Hey Look! It's That Guy You Might Know, And He Has A Blog Now, Apparently!

So!

I have joined the ranks of the great unwashed opinion makers of the internet. Watch in horror as I detail in length my heartfelt thoughts about dryer lint, and the mating patterns of handicapped snails! Lo and behold as I make up ridiculous shit to make me seem boring that is actually probably more interesting than anything that I will ever write here!

It's been a long time coming. I was a whore for Xanga, I constantly chattered on Myspace, I'm only on facebook (there is no capitol F you blind suckrats) to write notes. Of course, nobody ever read any of that because a "social networking platform" doesn't require any actual information exchange. So I figured I might as well start bitching about how much my life sucks and how much I love (insert band name / move title here) on a website where people are actually *supposed* to care. Of course, given the apparent repulsive reactions my writing incites in people, no one will read this either. BUT I'M DOING IT ANYWAY BECAUSE I'M LONELY AND BORED AND HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO.

That being said, who else thought Enter the Matrix was underrated? I personally think all of the gameplay crippling glitches were an artistic expression, meant to satirize the American culture of throwaway technolo-

And that's that. Those are the only words that ever deserve to be said about Enter the Matrix ever. With the addendum that the above was a display of sarcasm, and if you liked that game you deserve to be crushed under the weight of a boulder, Giles Corey style.

That's right, I just referenced The Crucible. What are you going to do about it motherfucker?

Which makes me wonder, do you think maybe The Wicked Witch of the East was partially inspired by Giles Corey? Dude was crushed because they thought he was a witch, and he wouldn't confess. WW of the East was most definitely a witch, and she got crushed under a house.

Also, am I the only one who thought it was strange that Dorothy stole the shoes from a dead person, and everyone was totally okay with that? Even more, they broke out into song and dance afterward. What kind of fucked up hellhole is Oz anyway?

"Oh snap man, those are some seriously pimpass shoes," says a munchkin in what was once an adorably high pitched voice, now ruined by years of nicotine abuse, "I bet they would look great on you."
"Are you sure?" Dorothy asks, one eye wandering south as the other stays the course. "Isn't that kind of tasteless?"
"Are you fucking kidding me?" Smokey the Munchkin laughs in a deep, potentially transvestital voice, pulling out a nickel plated desert eagle, pointing it at the nearest happily oblivious midget in a dress and pulling the trigger.
Immediately another munchkin yells out, "I call dibs!"
"Fuck you asswhore this shit is mine!" Then he looks back at Dorothy the dumbfounded, "The point is take the fuckin shoes or I'm going to rape you."

Then followed the seven minute musical interlude Let Me Put My AIDS In Your Mouth which, unfortunately, never made it to the final version of the film. A remnant of the scene still exists in the movie, however, in the form of the scarecrow zipping up his fly. He was there from the beginning originally, but Victor Fleming decided it would be better if he was given a more tactful introduction than, "Back that Kansas-dry shit up on my cornstock."

I can already tell that this was a horrible idea and I am definitely going to hell for what has been said here.

I'd like to say this can only get better? But I know it can get much, much worse.