The Wolf -Chapter IX: A Quiet Conversation; Part 2

17.
Adrian opened his eyes.
The floor was very well swept.
He stood up and looked around -no one. He had no idea how much time had passed since he had fallen over, but he didn’t want to risk it. First thing was first, however.
He needed to call Katy.
Adrian took out the cell phone from the package and dialed her number.
“Hi, it’s Katy, leave a message after the beep.”
Adrian cursed himself, and then said, “Hey, Katy. Listen, I’m sorry about last night. I have had a…ridiculous couple of days. I need to talk to you. Please.”
He hung up the phone and sighed.
“Adrian?”
He turned around to find Abraham standing next to the bar, looking freshly out of the shower.
“You’re up early,” he said.
Adrian rubbed his head, “Yeah, I uh… I wanted to get out for a while. You know, get some fresh air.”
Abraham nodded. “I can certainly understand that. It gets stuffy down here sometimes. Would you mind if I came along?”
“Actually, I think I want to be alone for a while. You know, just… to get my head together, a bit?”
Abraham’s eyes narrowed. “I…see. Well I do have something that I wanted to tell you, Adrian. I’ve spoken to a few of my colleagues, and none of us see any reason why you shouldn’t be able to take up the rite of reunification today.”
“Oh, wow, really?” Adrian said. “That’s great.”
“Yes, it’s amazing how these things work out, isn’t it?”
“Well, actually, Abraham… I was thinking maybe I’d wait for a few more days on that.”
Abraham rubbed his chin and took a few steps forward. “Why is that?”
“Well, I… I don’t really feel comfortable with it yet. I want to…prepare. You know?”
“But Adrian, my friend, the sooner it happens, the sooner you’ll be relieved of-”
“Of my wolf’s burden, yeah, I know, I really… I’m looking forward to that, but I want to do a few things first. Much as I hate the bastard, I’d be dead if it wasn’t for him.”
Too much?
“What is that supposed to mean?” Abraham asked.
“I just mean that, a couple of times he gave me advice. You know, to help me out of tight spots. He always had a good intuition.”
“The wolf always does. Adrian, are you feeling alright?”
“Actually I’m feeling pretty okay. I’m going to go ahead and go, I’ll be back, uh…sometime tonight. Okay?”
Adrian walked towards the exit, and then Abraham said, “Adrian. I should warn you that making no decision is just the same as making the wrong decision. We’ve welcomed you into our home without any questions or requirements. It would not be well for you to betray that trust.”
Adrian felt a chill run down his spine, but said nothing.

18.
Outside, Dade was on his way into the building. He saw Adrian, however, and turned around.
Adrian went out of the diner and followed him, calling his name.
“We need to talk!”
“I don’t want to talk to you!” Dade shouted over his shoulder.
Adrian jogged up to him across the asphalt and said, “I’ve been an idiot,” putting a hand on his shoulder.
Dade spun around, throwing off Adrian’s hand. “No!” he screamed, near tears, “I won’t help you! I won’t help you kill them!”
He turned around and put his face into his hands, and Adrian just stared at him. “What are you talking about?”
“I don’t know!” he said, sobbing. “But it’s what you’re thinking! I know what he’s done to me and I know even though he doesn’t want me to and doesn’t think that I do, but he’s still my friend and I won’t help you kill him!”
“Dade, please-”
“If you weren’t here then none of this would be happening! If-”
Adrian grabbed Dade by the shoulders and shook him.
“I have had enough of the craziness around here, you hear me? I’m not planning on doing anything to anyone until I understand what the fuck is going on. I haven’t even been here a week and I feel like I’ve been here for years. I look back at the things that have happened to me and I don’t even know if it was me! You are the only person in this madhouse who acts like something isn’t right, and that makes me think I can trust you.”
Dade whimpered, “It doesn’t matter if you can trust me. That question has no depth whatsoever. I don’t know if I can trust you, Adrian.”
“Why wouldn’t you be able to?”
“Because you ate several full helpings of Abe’s shit without a blink,” Dade said with a childish smile. “Did you know that glass is made of sand?”
Adrian continued to stare.
“What’s wrong with you?” he asked.
Dade shrugged. “I dunno. I like your shirt. It’d do better without the pin, but tha’s just me. What were we talking about a-”
And the Dade’s face contorted into pain, his eyes wrenched shut, and he fell to his knees, holding his skull between his arms and baring his teeth. He made no sound for a moment, then slowly gave out an almost imperceptible whimper as he slumped onto his side in the street. Adrian grabbed him and said, “Dade? Dade, what’s wrong?!”
Then Dade’s body loosened up, and he opened his eyes. He looked out across the street and pushed himself up with shaky arms, stood on quivering legs, leaned on Adrian’s shoulder and said slowly, “We don’t have much time.” His voice was deeper, raspy, and sounded exhausted. “We need to get away from the Midnight before anyone sees us. Your car is out of sight, so there.”
“How do you know-”
“Adrian, by now I thought you’d have learned to just take this stuff as it comes.”
Adrian shrugged.
And so he shouldered Dade to his car, checking back behind them for any potential witnesses. There were none.
Dade leaned on the car’s trunk and exhaled. “Adrian,” he said, “I’m glad you finally talked to him, but Jesus H, you’ve been an idiot.”
“Yeah, I figured that much out. What the hell was that back there?” He motioned towards the street.
Dade didn’t speak for a moment. “It’s complicated. I’m straight for now, which is why we need to get this conversation over and done with as quick as possible. I don’t know how long it’ll take.”
“How long-”
“Adrian, I need you to do me a favor and please not ask questions about me right now. We don’t have enough time for that. Bad things are coming down the line, and I don’t know what’s going to happen. I hope you realize what kind of a wrench you’ve thrown into the Machine to turn the entire future into a blur. Not just a few shades of difference, an entire bloody spectrum of outcomes.”
“So you can see the future?”
“In a nutshell.”
“Okay, well, now that that’s settled. Why does Abraham want to keep me so close?”
“Because everything has been going too well for him. He doesn’t want you to change your mind at the last second which, thank god, you have.”
“I mean, why does he want me in the first place?”
Dade said, “He doesn’t want you.”
Adrian stared at Dade for a moment, then said, “Oh. Shit.”
“And that’s just the beginning. The Circle has had Abe on you for years, and before the goons at South Peak grabbed me I was helping them figure out how things were going to play out. Of course it was futile, you can’t plan on anything happening a certain way more than a few weeks out, unless you’ve really rigged the situation.”
“What is this ‘Circle of Friends’ anyway?”
“I don’t know for sure. The few bits of knowledge I do have I only have because I was around a member at South Peak, and what gets me is this guy was pretty high up in the chain of command from what I can tell, and even he didn’t really know what was going on with the group. He had a theory that the whole thing was organized around a supercomputer, but he was an idiot. What I can say is that before you came along, they never took werewolves seriously. They called us the periphery, and only paid us attention because we’re an undeniable supernatural aspect of society. Whatever it is your wolf knows, I can guarantee that if you don’t follow through on the acting-on-free-will approach, they will definitely move to more aggressive tactics.”
“Like what?”
“Torture? Or even, hell, they can force the rite on you if they think your wolf is too hard to break. Then they can just break you, and that’d be much easier.”
“So what do I do?” Adrian asked.
Dade stared at the ground for a few moments, blinked, then said, “What you do.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“What is what supposed to mean?” Dade asked, looking at Adrian. He could swear his eyes were brighter. “I have a headache.”
“Oh. Well.”
Adrian rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m going to go home, I think.”
Dade nodded. “Good idea. Can I have a hug?”
Adrian blinked. “Uh… sure?”
Dade wrapped his arms around Adrian’s midsection. Adrian patted him on the back.
“I know he’s mean, but he’s just doing what he does best. Please don’t hurt him. He’s my only friend.”
For a moment, Adrian felt like crying.

19.
Dade walked into the Midnight, and Adrian got into his car and drove away.
The further he got, the more confused he became. So much had happened in so short a time, it was all blurring together.
He thought about his mother, and her warning, and how it could not have come at worse time.
He thought about the box, which Dade may or may not have sent him, and how it could not have been sent at a worse time.
He thought about Katy, who had presented him with the perfect life not a day before another life had come knocking at the door. If it hadn’t been for her acceptance, Adrian would never have given a second thought to sleeping with Evita, to taking up the rite and joining Abraham’s clan. If it even was his.
He thought about the many colliding circles of circumstance, the ripples sent out by decisions, the echoes of time against the walls of eternity. He thought about the differences between genesis and apocalypse, and the many ways he had betrayed himself.
The phone that Dade gave him rang, but Adrian did not answer.
And then he pulled up to his house, and looked at it for the first time as a true home -as a place to return to after a hard day’s work.
Or being worked.
Adrian stepped inside and smiled, closed his eyes and said to himself, “Welcome home.”
“Welcome home,” a voice echoed back to him.
Adrian opened his eyes.
Evita lay on the couch in the living room, and she jumped up and ran to Adrian, throwing her arms around him and laying a blanket of kisses on his face.
He could not help but to kiss her back for a moment, but he pushed her away soon enough, and she turned her head. “What’s wrong, my love?”
“I’m sorry,” he said. He rubbed his forehead and walked into the kitchen. Evita trailed behind him. “I’ve got a lot on my mind and I still really want to be alone.”
“I don’t want to be alone,” she said quietly. “I’ve been alone all my life. I don’t want to be alone.”
Adrian looked at her and said, “I’m sorry. I really am.”
“Do you care about me?”
Adrian could not muster the heart to tell the truth. “I do, I really do, but so many things have happened to me over the past few days, I just need some time to work it out.”
“Oh,” she said.
“Yeah. So could you give me some space? Go back to the Midnight or wherever it is you live, hang out with your brother for a while, have some family time. You know?”
“I don’t want to spend time with my brother. Or Dade. Or anyone but you. I-”
“Evita, I can only apologize so many times! Please, I need to be alone right now.”
She stepped in front of him and put her arms around him, and he sighed. He put his arms on her head and said, “We can spend time together later, I promise.”
“You promise?”
“I promise.”
Evita smiled and kissed him on the cheek, and walked towards the door. Adrian sighed silently, and thought about packing his bags and leaving.
Then Evita turned around and said, “Adrian?”
“Yes?”
“Do you love me?”
He stared at her for a few moments and bit his lower lip. Then he turned away. “I don’t know.”
“Will you not love me?” she asked, a little more desperate.
“I can’t right now,” he said. “I don’t even know-”
And as Adrian turned around, he felt a shrill surprise to find that Evita was only a few inches away from him, and for some reason her face was contorted with rage.
And then he felt a searing explosion of pain in his gut, and he let out a scream as Evita twisted the silver knife she held between her clenched fists.
She yanked it out and held it trembling in front of her eyes, and she screamed, “What have I done so wrong to you?! Have I not shown you love?!”
She stabbed him again.
“Have I not made you feel?! I am the one you’re supposed to be with,” she stabbed him in beat with her words, “NOT HER!”
Adrian stumbled backwards into a side table, pushing its contents onto the floor. There was a shattering of glass, and his vision dimmed.
“Not that horrible-” stab “-wretch-” stab “-of a woman!”
She pushed him onto the floor and then straddled his mid section. She set the knife by his head, and put her hands around his neck.
Evita leaned in close to his face, her mouth in a snarl, and said, “That’s what Dade told us, that’s what he said he saw! I won’t let it happen any other way!” She began to squeeze, though Adrian was already choking on his own blood.
“If I can’t love you then it won’t be anyone else,” she said, crying. “You’re too wonderful to be with anyone but me.”
Her grip softened, and she kissed Adrian on the lips.
His blood stained her mouth.
And then Adrian’s body went entirely limp. Evita set her head on his chest and sobbed, running her hands along his arms. Her throat hurt from the strength of the cries she gave out, and she could already feel the warmth leaving his body. She kissed him again, wishing he would come back to life, apologizing for what she had to do.
But she knew he was dead. His muscles were unmoving, his blood had ceased pumping (and had mostly drained from his body to the floor and to her shirt and pants by now), and his eyes-
Moved?

20.
And then with a speed she couldn’t comprehend, Adrian’s hand grabbed the knife and stabbed it into the soft place beneath Evita’s chin, and while she tried to scream, her mouth was nailed shut -and then he gave it another push, and there was a sudden gush of red onto his hand, and there was a horrendous crack, and Evita fell over on the floor.

The Wolf -Chapter IX: A Quiet Conversation; Part 1

IX: A Quiet Conversation

1.
Two days after Adrian told off Dade, he found himself alone with Evita once more.
She had flirted with him constantly over the week, and though he found many things about her personality that revolted him, there were many other aspects which he liked quite dearly.
On the matter of his relationship with Katy, Adrian was in doubt. As he was in so many things these past few days.
It had all happened so fast, and he found himself looking around the caves and the town and finding himself too much at home there. He had not gone back to his house once since he had first come there, and his mind felt weighted towards the idea of never leaving. More and more he was convinced that staying with Katy would be idiotic; that the two of them would one day very soon get into a fight, break up, and never see one another again. That was, after all, how all of Adrian’s previous human relationships had gone. Why shouldn’t this last one go the same way?
But Evita, strange, unnerving, and forward as she was, was still more relatable to Adrian than Katy could ever be. She was a werewolf, and she knew exactly what it was like to be one every day. Surely this was more merit for a longterm relationship than some mild acceptance from a human girl ever was?
Whatever he tried to tell himself, despite the strength and tact of his words, there still lingered a fear that he was making one big mistake. Some part of him knew that there was more to this than he understood, and that his unquestioning acceptance of their world was exactly what they wanted. But this part he repressed in every way he could imagine, just as he repressed the wolf.
This place, this speakeasy of werewolves, presented Adrian with a life wherein he was an important member of a society of confidants; an outcast among fellows who were all mutually aware of their individual plights. He wanted more than anything to believe in this reality, in this place where the wolf would never whisper to him again; where he would never have to face rejection or disappointment; where he would be a part of something bigger and more grand than himself.
But the doubt lingered.
And the dreams grew stronger.
And the wolf waited.
So it was that Adrian was once more alone with Evita, and she spoke to him thusly.

2.
“My love,” she said in her cooing, breathy voice, “you need to make a choice.”
“What do you mean?” Adrian said.
“My brother and I have been speaking, you see. He said that you were particularly enthusiastic about taking up your rite, but that over the past few days you’ve been showing some unconscious reticence. I agreed with him on this, as you might expect.” She circled around him and drew closer, drawing a finger along his chest. “You cannot dance between one life or the other. You have to make a choice. It’s either her…”
Evita put her lips to his and drew her hand up the inside of his leg.
“…or me.”
She bit his lip and ran her tongue against his teeth. Adrian’s pulse quickened, and he leaned forward, putting one hand around her back and another upon her breast.
But then she stopped, and pulled herself away from him.
She wore a vicious, lustful smile, her eyes dancing in the dim light.
And Adrian said, “Okay. I’ll do it.”
Evita pointed at the phone.

3.
As Adrian dialed the number, Evita walked up from behind him and wrapped her arms around him, kissing his neck. He gave a tickled laugh.
The line clicked, and a sleepy voice picked up. “Hello?”
“Katy?”
A pause. “Adrian? Oh my god, where have you been? Are you okay?”
She sounded so worried…
“I, um… I’m fine.”
Evita rolled her eyes, and bit the lobe of his ear. Adrian smiled.
Katy spoke cautiously, “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” Adrian said, kissing Evita’s cheek. “Listen, I don’t think we, uh, should be seeing each other anymore.”
“…what?”
“I just mean that…” Evita grabbed the crotch of his pants, and he gasped delightedly. He laughed as he said, “I mean I’ve found someone better.”
“Better? Like it’s a fucking contest? What the shit is that supposed to mean?”
Adrian stated simply, “It means we’re done.”
“So…what, all of the shit we went through, the whole locked-in-a-room-with-a-werewolf thing, all of a sudden that doesn’t make a difference?”
“Nope,” Adrian said as Evita sucked on his neck.
Katy was silent, and then began to speak in a rising tone, but Adrian immediately interrupted.
“Look, I’ve got shit I need to do, so uh…have a nice life.”
He heard Katy say something, but hung up the phone before he could tell what it was. Evita broke out into a fit of laughter, and Adrian joined her. It seemed incredibly funny, how quick and painless it had been, to just call her and tell her to fuck herself. How quickly the realms of intersecting lives could be ended, with such words and such unfeeling sentiment.
And then Evita threw him onto the mattress, jumped on top of him, and kissed him wildly.
As she worked to undress both herself and Adrian, she said through panted, passionate breaths, “I love you so much.”
Adrian said, “I…” and she kissed him, and when she pulled away, he found himself incapable of finishing the sentence.
And he thought about Katy’s smile, and the warmth of her arms as she hugged him the night after the full moon.
And he though of Evita’s forcefulness and one-track mind, and opened his eyes to see her smiling with glee as she pulled down his pants.
Adrian wanted to scream, wanted to kick her in the face, wanted to leave this place and never come back.
But then she began to play with him, and he closed his eyes again, and didn’t move. He hated himself, but he didn’t care. It felt too good to be turned down, too right. The rising fear and doubt was overcome by the physical imperative to be inside her, to make her his in every way.
And Adrian’s thoughts wandered, and for just a moment he fell asleep.

3.
It was a smell he knew from long ago, that of burning pine and hot chocolate.
Above the fireplace were portraits of people with blurry faces, items of memorabilia which had no discernable features except that they existed, in some form or fashion. There were paintings on the wall of glens and prairies, and on a dining table there was a faded red tablecloth with hanging strands. Empty plates around a burning candelabra, whose smoke had over the years collected a spot on the ceiling.
There was a creaking sound, like and old rocking chair, and it took him only moment to understand that he was in it. Curled up in the lap of someone…someone…
Adrian looked up into his mother’s eyes for the first time in what felt like a hundred years, and wrapped his arms around her as tight as he could.
“Oh, mom!” Adrian yelled through his tears, “I have no idea what I’m doing! Help me! Help me, please, I feel so lost and alone!”
And a voice answered that broke his heart, for he did not know how much he had missed it until that moment.
“Give him strength, Luna,” she said. “Give us all strength.”
And then she was holding him by the neck, holding him above the fire, and her eyes were black as coal, and her lips curled into a snarl as she said, “Don’t let them find you. Do you understand me?” She screamed, “DON’T LET THEM FIND YOU!”
And then she dropped him into the fire, and the house was burning down, and he saw scratched into the wall behind her,
THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE BETWEEN GENESIS AND APOCALYPSE.
And then Adrian woke up.

4.
“Oh god!” he screamed as he rolled out of bed.
Evita looked confused. “My love? What’s wrong?”
“I… I…” Adrian looked around at the room, feeling the walls close in around him. He remembered his mother talking to him that day, remembered every word of her warning. Why hadn’t she just let him remember, why had it been revealed so late? How had she made it happen in the first place?
He looked at Evita and felt scared.
“I had a dream,” he said.
“You were asleep?” she asked, eyes narrowed.
“I must’ve…passed out for a second while you were…” he nodded towards his groin. He rubbed his head and gathered his clothes. “I can’t do this right now, I need… I need some time to think. I need to go for a walk.”
“Can I come?” Evita asked, grabbing his hand.
He looked at her and pushed it away, saying, “I really need to be alone right now.”
“Oh,” Evita said, disappointed. “Well, I’ll just…be here, then. Should you need me.”
Adrian buttoned his pants and pulled on his shirt, and nodded as he left the room.

5.
The speakeasy barroom was empty, only a few lights left on, and he walked as fast as he could towards the other side of the room. But each step seemed to build an emotion up into his chest, and as he let out a sob he fell onto his knees. He cradled his head in his arms and bawled.
And then there was something of a click, and his vision went dark.
“I was wondering when the message would come through.”
Adrian opened his eyes and turned towards the source of the voice. He sat on a red and brown plaid couch, frayed at the edges. The wolf’s hair was tied back, and he looked at Adrian over the rim of glasses he hadn’t been wearing the last time.
“You,” Adrian said. He stood up and looked around at the blackness.
The wolf put his feet on a table that hadn’t been there a second ago.
“Where am I?” Adrian asked.
“I dunno,” the wolf said. “Somewhere in your brain, I guess. Wherever it is us wolves get to live whenever it’s not the full moon.”
“You don’t look like a wolf,” Adrian said.
“Well shit, sorry I don’t measure up.”
Adrian again looked around, then rubbed his eyes. “Am I dreaming again?”
“Jesus, I wish. Right now you’re drooling on the floor of a repurposed cave. So to speak.”
“What?”
“Nevermind. So what brings you to my corner of the metaphorical woods?”
Adrian said, “I…didn’t come here on purpose?”
“Sure you did,” the wolf said. “You don’t just end up somewhere in your brain accidentally. You’ve got to make it happen. It is your brain after all.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“A pissier, more emotional wolf might put on a humanitarian air and go on about how we share a space, how it’s our brain, but for one that ain’t my style and for two, you wouldn’t give a shit anyway.”
“How do you know?”
“You’re one of the most selfish people I have ever met, and furthermore the person you have, historically speaking, cared about the least in your life, is me. Well, next to maybe your girlfriends.”
“I care about Katy!”
“So much that you called her to tell her you should “see other people,” all the while practically fucking that horndog bimbo Evita? That’s one hell of a show of emotion there, friend.”
“It’s none of your damned business!” Adrian said.
The wolf stood up and pointed a finger at Adrian. “I think you need to change your fucking attitude here, bub. All our life I’ve been pushed back and repressed, and I’m pretty well sick of it. You ain’t the only one in here,” he said, tapping his skull, “and you should stop acting that way before it bites you in the ass. Now sit down,” he said, doing so himself. “We need to have a chat.”
Adrian turned around to find a similar couch behind him.
“What’s with the furniture?” Adrian asked. “Why does it smell like cigarette smoke?”
“That’s just the way I remember it.”
“…but I’ve never seen these things before in my life.”
The wolf gave a sarcastic chuckle as he sipped milk from a glass that hadn’t been sitting on the table. “There you go again, thinking it’s all about you. I never said they’re anything you would remember.”
He motioned towards a jug of milk on the table, and a tall glass next to it. “Thirsty?”
“Umm,” Adrian said. “How are you-”
“Okay, if we’re going to have anything close to a productive conversation, we’re going to have to set a few ground rules. The first of which being that shit appears out of nowhere.”
“But how?”
“Being a nonphysical space, abstract thoughts often very quickly lead to manifestation. It’s like what the real world would be if people were more intelligent. The second rule is that when one or the other of us is talking, the other shouldn’t interrupt until a statement is finished or a point has been made. Questions should be held until after a general statement, as they might be answered outright at some point afterwards.”
The wolf smiled and said, “I really don’t miss teaching high school.”
Adrian said, “What?”
“Rule number two,” the wolf reminded. “Hold your horses.”
Adrian shook his head. “Okay so, what are we doing then?”
“Like I said, we’re having a chat. Think of it as an intervention. I thought you were going to talk to me when Katy said so, but you got the jitters and backed out at the last second. I thought maybe Dade had talked some sense into you, but you were too busy dry humping crazy-face Evita. Too much longer and you’re going to end up fucking things up too much even for me to fix. So we’re setting the record straight, right here, right now.”
The wolf crossed his arms, and stared at Adrian expectantly.
Adrian sat down, and the wolf nodded his head. He then poured a glass of milk, held it in front of his face, and then took a sip.
The wolf smiled and said, “There we go. Feeling better?”
“…a little.” Adrian set the glass back down, then put his arms on his lap. “So what do you want to talk about, then?”
“I hate to sound self-obsessed, but unfortunately it’s the course of action at this point. Me. We’re going to talk about me. It’s a subject that you have been particularly ignorant of the past ten years or so. More than that, really.”
Adrian squinted his eyes. “I don’t remember you before ten years ago.”
“Some part of you does,” the wolf said. “I was there though. In something of a larval state, I suppose, until you turned sixteen and shifted control over to me for the first time. But those first sixteen years, they were something else. I was very confused.”
“What?”
“Rule number two,” the wolf said again.
Adrian rolled his eyes and drew his fingers across his lips in a mime of zipping them shut.
The wolf smiled and continued.

6.
In the moments after they are born, Adrian opens his eyes to see light.
The wolf sees only black.
There are echoes of words and thoughts and memories, but the hold no meaning, and fade away quickly. As Adrian’s mother holds him in her arms, the wolf too feels her warmth, and is comforted.
At this point, the difference between Adrian and the wolf is practically nonexistent. But as the body ages, the minds grow separate and unique; the wolf remains in his black space, with a sly window into the eyes of Adrian; Adrian remains more or less oblivious of the wolf.
Because the wolf does not know. The wolf does not feel. The wolf does not understand. He simply waits.
He watches Adrian’s life pass by like sand in an hourglass, feeling a slow sensation building inside him. What is it? Excitement? Purpose?
Whatever it is, it’s all the wolf can comprehend. And it takes the form of a glowing white sphere, and for no reason that he knows, he calls it Luna. It is not his mother; mother is, though she has never mothered him directly. Luna is the only other thing in the universe that knows he exists, and it makes him less empty.
The wolf waits in silent watchfulness and anticipation, as each day passes into the next, and the sensation grows and compounds and intensifies.

7.
Now it is the eve of their sixteenth birthday, and the wolf is all but ecstatic. He is starting to feel, he is starting to think, he is starting to know; his consciousness is quickly becoming something that is deserving of the word.
Adrian steps outside and grabs a bundle of wood.
The wolf’s arms begin to tingle.
Adrian looks up at the moon, and the wolf lets out a cry to his the sphere outside his own body; and he realizes that for the first time in his life, he has spoken.
He said, “Luna!”
Adrian drops the wood as the wolf stands and reaches for the moon. He has never believed that she could exist outside his own realm; but there she is, glowing more brilliant and more real than anything he could have ever imagined.
And as Adrian’s eyes widen, his pupils dilating, the wolf finds himself compelled to step forward.
As he did this, Adrian convulsed and fell to the ground.
The wolf felt fear surge through him that the moon should be out of his sight for even a second. What if she should disappear? What if Adrian were to look back and the sky be empty?
So he runs forward, as fast as he can, and as he does so, he feels an odd tingling in his arms that slowly spreads downwards.
For the space of around five seconds, Adrian’s body is now their body. They share a space, albeit one consciousness is moving forward and the other backwards. And the wolf’s mind alights with information.
He does not notice that Adrian, unconscious, is now inhabiting the dark space.
The echoes of thoughts and memories return to him, regain their meaning, and he realizes that he is alive. The wolf pushes through the patina of consciousness and finds that their arms are now his arms, that their legs are now his legs. This body, which has been nothing but a pipedream in the past, is now fully in his control.
The wolf looks up and finds that the moon has not moved an inch, and he smiles as he sees her. He does this because she is looking back at him. Luna is holding out her arms and she is saying, “You’ve done it! Welcome home!”
The wolf almost wants to cry.
And then he hears the cracking of a twig in the distance.
His heart races, his thoughts simplify, and he realizes now that he is here to hunt.
And he does exactly that.

8.
“That moment right before I looked at the moon, that was when I was born. I existed before that, but it was an entirely circumstantial existence. The flood of understanding that came to me, that was…” The wolf exhaled and shook his head. “It was amazing. And it’s like that every time I take control.”
“But…that whole hunting bit… You’ve taken control without hunting before, haven’t you?”
“Well, recently, sure. I’ve gotten older. More capable of controlling my...” He smiled and made a growly face, bringing his hands up into claws, “animal instincts. Considering how much I’ve grown over the last ten years, especially compared to how much you haven’t, I’d say I’ve done fairly well for myself.”
“So…memories? How could you remember if-”
“I’ll get to that, don’t worry. You remember when you got shot?”
“Uhm…yeah, why?”
The wolf continued.

9.
The wolf watches with amusement as Adrian tries to hunt. He’s gotten better at it; living alone in such conditions pretty much forces one to. But there are still several very important factors of the hunt of which Adrian is entirely oblivious.
One of these being listening to more than just the sound of your prey.
The wolf knows that there’s someone following them, but as of this moment he doesn’t consider it a threat. Though smarter than Adrian in many ways, he is still young, and still assumes that there isn’t much that could pose a threat to their body.
And then there is a loud crack, and Adrian’s leg explodes into pain in mid-leap, and he crumples to the ground.
The wolf feels no pain, and is immediately attuned to the sound of the approaching hunter.
He tries to speak, but the words fall flat even to his own ear.
He concentrates, and then says in a calm, deliberate tone, “You don’t have time to run. You need to go up.”
Amazingly, Adrian hears his advice through the chaos of his mind, and he takes it unquestioningly. Adrian looks around himself and climbs up the nearest tree, and they watch as a man in an orange vest searches for the deer he has been hunting.
And then the man walks away. And when he is a safe distance gone, the adrenaline leaves Adrian’s system, and he collapses off the tree.
He hits the ground with an unastounding thump, and the wolf blinks.
And he hears an odd sound, like a click, and he turns to see Adrian laying on the floor of the dark space.
“What?” he says to himself. He walks over to the unconscious body and kicks him in the side.
No reaction.
He goes down onto his knees and pokes Adrian on the face. Nothing.

10.
“Is that what happens every time?” Adrian asks.
The wolf nods his head.
“Why have I never woken up here, then?”
“Hell if I know. The brain’s an amazing machine. Anyway…”

11.
The wolf looks out through the eyes of their body and feels the ghost of a pain in his leg as he pushes himself forward. He knows this is foolish; the wolf is an idea in this state, a metaphysical gathering of thoughts and memories that he still does not entirely understand. The pain is a window to the truth of their symbiotic relationship that the wolf refuses to acknowledge. But he knows more than anything that Adrian is out cold. He has bled out almost fully, and the wolf can feel the constructs of their mind falling apart.
The main support, the thing which represents Adrian’s consciousness, has retreated to some inner portion of their mind, leaving a cavity in its place that is very quickly collapsing. If there is not a quick intervention that place will fall, and they will both be trapped in this body until death.
With a momentary hesitation the wolf steps forward. He pushes through the patina like bubble of air surfacing out of the water, and suddenly-

-suddenly he remembers everything.
It is jumbled, fractured, and many pieces are missing. What little he has before him is difficult to decode, its frame of reference almost impossible to identify, but at the same time the wolf knows that these bits and pieces of thoughts and images are the memories of the lives he had before. These are the remnants of himself in previous incarnations;
He remembers sitting at a desk and grading papers, watching the grades deteriorate with each passing year; giving speeches about mathematics, trying his best and failing to relate the subject to his students in a way that will make sense; watching his wife grow older and more pale and more angry; watching himself grow more and more cynical; The year is 1964 when his heart seizes mid-speech, and he falls to the floor in a crumpled mess, and his students watch him die in paralyzed fascination.
He remembers riding the back of a horse through grassy fields across the land; the feeling of a broadsword firmly beneath his hands and the weight of his armor testing his strength every moment of every day; the freedom to kill or maim anyone he wanted, and the satisfaction that came with never doing either; the humility he felt before God as he knelt and prayed every night, for health and for strength, and for the endurance of mother Spain; he accosts an unruly drunkard for humiliating a young woman and watches the man draw a blade, and as he reaches for his own he somehow loses his footing and finds his neck punctured and his spine severed at the end of it.
He remembers being a monk hid away in the mountains and writing haiku of his observations; he remembers conditioning his body every moment of every day through breathing and physical trials; he remembers the patient motions of catching fish, gutting them, cooking them, and dividing them amongst his Brothers; he remembers a day where the sky is so blue and the clouds so perfect that he falls to his knees and cries, and thanks the Spirit for the world that He made; he remembers falling asleep one night, and never waking up again.
And then he remembers something else. Another life, another set of memories, and in this way it’s simple.
But in so many other ways, it’s different.
Even without context, even in this phase of memory and overwhelming sensation, he understands that this life is thelife. All the others afterward were merely a side effect. This one is the reason that he still exists, the reason he has been allowed to be birthed again and again.
He thinks to himself, with the sense only of stating the obvious, that this life may very well be the most important life of them all.
He remembers a grassy, hilly place below the mountains, nestled within a clearing in the forest. He remembers being a werewolf there, as well, though it is only he; his body is his own. He lives among a clan of wolves, in a world very different from this one. The entirety of the life is not recollected, not yet, but he remembers being raised by a young woman, because his parents had been killed. And he remembers that he was in an arranged marriage at ten with a girl from another clan, and this was to be an example to the other clans to come together in the wake of…
Of what?
Every moment that the wolf is at the wheel of the body, so to speak, more and more of his memories come to light; hundreds of lives, all of them as unique and varied as one could ever consider. He cannot purposefully recollect any aspect of a life. It has to come to him.
And this life, which he now understands was his first life, is no exception.
And amid the chaos of this recollection, he is bleeding to death. It takes him a moment to pull himself together and put all the various pieces in their places. The life that he is living now, that is the one he needs to pay attention to; the others can wait.
He only hopes that his memories will not fade when he and Adrian trades places once more.
But there is one thing he refuses to forget, something that feels novel and odd and personal. Something that gives him definition, and reminds him of who he is.
His name.

12.
“Wait, you have a name?” Adrian said.
“Is that really such a surprise? You have one.”
“Yeah, but…I was given mine!”
“…and?”
“And I never named you!”
“Well shit, I guess because you never named Shakespeare that he didn’t write some of the best stuff ever written.”
Adrian sighed. “It’s not that, I just-”
“You just prefer the idea that I am a hallucination and that you are the only active body. Once again, that is the illusion I am attempting to break.”
Adrian rubbed his arms and looked at the ground. “So uh…what is your name, then?”
The wolf crossed his arms and said, “I don’t think I want to tell you.”
“Oh come on!” Adrian said. “I’m being as cooperative as I can, here!”
The wolf smiled and said, “Now you are, sure. But it only takes a sideways glance from the life you wish you had to get you forgetting who your real friends are.”
“I’m sorry, okay? I’m an idiot.”
“You are.”
The wolf stared at Adrian for a time, and then said, “But, I guess everyone is, to a point. My name is Akashi.”
Adrian’s eyes narrowed, and he said, “Why does that sound familiar?”
“Fuck if I know,” he said. “That’s the kind of response I get from a lot of people.”
“What? You’ve talked to other people?”
“Rule two, Adrian.”
“Aggh, fuck, get on with the story then!”

13.
Akashi stands up. The body feels weak, the leg hurts, but somehow he is distanced from it. Somehow the wolf can push the body to limits Adrian could never reach. He takes a few steps to get the hang of it, as he has never done this without the aid of the moon.
His urge to hunt snaps to attention when he hears from very far away the sound of the injured deer falling over onto its side.
He sympathizes, and makes to track it and eat it.
But then takes a breath and remembers who he is, and stops. How many lives has he led? In only one of them was he a wolf. It’s silly for him to have such memories, and in spite of them be brought down to such simplistic urges.
The thought halts again as he finds the scent of the blood, and can practically see its trail on the air. He saunters down onto his hands and knees and makes to run after it.
And then he falls over.
He looks at his hands in confusion to find that they are human. Not wolven.
And Akashi shakes his head and stands once more.
Surviving is far more important than hunting.
And then there is a thunderclap, and he takes a deep breath, and he begins to run. The pain is far more obvious now, but that does not matter.
The storm behind him is giving him a terrible feeling, and he doesn’t want to be anywhere near it.
But distantly, he knows that one can never outrun a storm.

14.
He collapses into the hollowed base of a tree as rain punches through the canopy and hammers the ground. Thunder is echoing constantly through the air, and though he knows that in a tree is hardly the safest place to be in a storm, it is better than being anywhere else. This storm wants him, he can feel it in the wind. It screams through the leaves and whips at his face, and he curls up into a ball and cries.
Akashi is tired from the exertion, even through his impassive control of the body. He can feel its dying gasps, and this terrifies him. He is overwhelmed with the sense that his being alive is more important than anything else; if he dies, so much will be lost.
But perhaps, he thinks, this is only an illusion. Perhaps he is only afraid of death. But why should he be, if he has died so many times in the past?
Another flash of light, and a bowling roar of thunder, and Akashi winces and holds himself. His body is cold, its blood almost run out. That it should have made it this far is a miracle. But without activity the last few chemicals keeping it afloat will be worked out of the system; with too much more activity those same chemicals will overload the system and cause it to shut down. Akashi cannot win; to run is to die. To stop is to die.
He is shaking so hard that he can barely move his mouth, but he manages to speak nevertheless. It’s something that he picked up from a memory, one of the old ones from his first life. He does not know if it will make any difference, but it’s the only thing he has going for him.
So Akashi whispers, “Echolalia, goddess of storms, hear me, I beg you; through time and worlds, hear me, help me, please.”
And there is nothing.
Akashi simply mutters the name over and over hopelessly, knowing that it will do nothing.
And then, the sound stops. He doesn’t register it at first, but when he finds himself more able to hear his mutterings, he looks up. The rain is frozen in mid air. In the sky, a lightning bolt pulses in the midst of its phased stepladder passage to the ground. He watches this with fascination, and then his eye is drawn to a feminine figure walking forward through the motionless rain.
As she moves, the rain hits her body and drips away. She has blue skin flecked with gold, and half of her face is the white of rainless clouds.
One eye is blue, the other, whose place is in the white half of her face, is gone. The hole where it once rolled is now painted gold.
He realizes that the chattering of his teeth has stopped, and that he can no longer feel the pain and numbness and death that had been seeping into his body.
She reaches the hole and kneels before Akashi, reaches an arm out to his cheek.
“I have not heard that name in a hundred thousand generations,” she says. “I had almost come to think it had never been at all.”
“It was, my lady,” Akashi whispers, “in a world that has long since passed.”
She smiles and sits next to him. “Your name is Akashi, isn’t it?”
He nods.
“It’s a name that’s been whispered a lot lately,” she says. “As it was…” she looks out as if remembering something distant, and smiles, “As it was in the old world. In the world of the five divisions.”
“Aye,” he says. “My people worshipped you, among others. Luna was our favorite, however. For obvious reasons. Of course, in the last few years, we lost much of that tradition.”
She nods. “They were tumultuous, weren’t they? Even we were at the mercy of… But how is it that you remember? You are mortal, yes?”
“My body is,” he says. “But my mind, my…soul, whatever you’d call it. I’m not so sure.”
“That isn’t solely your body, is it?”
“No. I’m a werewolf again.”
She puts her head on his shoulder. “I think you should take that as a sign of the times, Akashi of the old world. Recurring symbolism rarely happens without reason.”
Akashi closes his eyes and his mouth, as he feels a sudden rush of emotion. He recollects the very last moments of his first life, the efforts that he made to be shed of his responsibilities.
“Why is it always me?” he asks, fighting off tears. “Why can’t it be someone else?”
Echolalia whispers to him, “That is a question I cannot answer, Akashi of the old world. But I can hazard a guess.”
He looks up at her hopefully.
“Because you are the best at what you do.”
She stands up and walks away, and the rain slowly begins to fall again.
“And what is that I do?” Akashi yells back after her.
And she says, “Fix things.”
And then the thunder finishes its arc, and there is a deafening explosion

15.
And Akashi wakes up.
He looks around at the forest and sees that the earth is damp, that the leaves are windblown, but that the sky is blue and the sun is shining.
And he doesn’t feel entirely like shit.
Akashi pulls himself out of the knoll and stands, as best he can. His leg throbs, but it isn’t rotten. The wound is infected, but that’s alright for now. He can get as far as he needs to go on it.
Because all this time he’s felt a destination somewhere in the distance, and it’s close now. Even through the storm he was following his internal compass.
So Akashi limps through the forest, using a fallen limb as a crutch.
As he does so, he ponders the visitation of the goddess in his dream, and his general feeling of betterness. He knows that this world is not the same as that of his first life, but how is it that a goddess of the old world can be present in the new world?
But the question gives little up in the way of an answer, so he circumvents that question entirely with another.
How is it that one world follows another?
He had one life in the old world; he knows that much.
He has had hundreds of lives in this world; he knows that as well.
Were there lives before his first, lived out by other souls? Surely yes, he remembers just such things. Stories, and the like. So that world had dimension, had history.
But he had only one life there.
And more than that, that life was important. That life was the culmination of a thousand years of war and oppression and rewritten history.
All his other lives are virtually meaningless; some stand out as noteworthy, but none of them compare to his first.
So his first life was important, and it ended; the death he cannot remember, though much of the life is coming back to him. And then what?
What changed between that life and the next that caused his soul to travel from one world to another?
He recollects the law of conservation of energy from a life as a physicist; energy can neither be created nor destroyed -it merely changes form. If this is a universal truth, then his soul could not have travelled from one world to another.
Which means that one world must have become the other.
At some point between his first life and his second, the old world transformed into the new world. Rules were changed, creatures were reshaped, bits and pieces were repurposed and transferred altogether.
But somehow, there were remnants. The transformation was either incomplete or wasn’t thought through, if that’s even possible, because seemingly outdated aspects of that world still remain in this one.
Werewolfism, for example.

As Akashi ponders this, he hears a sound from behind, and turns as fast as he can.
But he forgets about his limp, and his crutch, and trips over them both.
He lands on his back, and moans in pain.
“You aren’t doing very well, are you?” a voice asks.
Akashi tries to roll onto his feet, but simply falls forward.
“I’d say that leg will be the end of you, if it goes much longer without intervention.”
“I’m fine,” he says.
“No, Adrian,” the voice says, “I don’t believe that you are.”
He looks at the man who just said his name and squints his eyes. “Who are you?”
“An interested party. Someone who won’t be out of your life for quite some time, even if you hate me with all of your guts. Give me your hand.”
“No.”
“Come now, Adrian, let’s not be difficult.”
The man reaches down, and Akashi barks, “NO!”
The man scowls, and kicks Akashi in the side, “I’m trying to help you!”
“I don’t need your help,” he says. “Besides, you’re breaking the rules.”
The man steps back. “What?”
“I can tell what you are just from the look of you. You’re one of the wolves positioned to watch me, aren’t you?”
The man kneels and grabs Akashi’s skull, looks into his eyes. “You’re not Adrian, are you? You’re the other one.”
Akashi brings a fist to the side of the man’s head, and he falls into the mud. He moans, and Akashi grabs his crutch and brings himself up.
“I don’t need your help.” Akashi spits in the man’s face. “And if I ever see you again, I’ll kill you.”
As Akashi limps away, the man laughs and calls back, “We’ll see about that, won’t we! But even if you do, I’m hardly the worst of your problems!”
He continues to laugh, and Akashi bites his tongue and fights the urge to kill him where he lay.
But he keeps moving forward, and soon enough the laughing has stopped, and the man is gone. Reporting the news that Adrian isn’t in sole control of his own body anymore.
And that’s just fine with him.

The Wolf -Chapter VIII: Exposure; Part 2

12.
As Adrian dreamt of inconsequential things, the wolf prowled the edges of his domain.
He resided at the nearest center he could find, because the edges lacked distinction. Existence becomes a hazy thing when pushing across the boundaries of the black space, and the wolf did not want to lose himself in it anymore than he had to.
But all the same, he was looking for something. What, specifically? Of that much, he wasn’t sure. But he would know it when he-
“Aha,” the wolf said to himself, getting down on his knees.
Floating just above the floor was a small white crack which branched into a Y. Bright white light was streaming through, as well as the voice that had awoken Adrian and lost the wolf his chance to truly test his opponents.
And it took him only a moment to realize that it was a hidden memory, something Adrian had been forced to forget. But somehow, it was resurfacing.
This did not bode well.

13.
Adrian found himself awake, though he had thought himself asleep for a time. His dreaming had slowly turned into consciousness, and the progression had been so smooth that it was only when he opened his eyes that he realized where he was.
The bed was warm and the room was chilly, probably a benefit of the caves. Adrian curled up and pulled the blankets up around his shoulders. It was too comfortable, he didn’t want to get up, didn’t want to return to the waking world. He just wanted to sleep, for as long possible.
He felt a pleasurable tingle run down his spine, back up along his neck, over his shoulder, down his arm. Adrian turned and saw Evita laying next to him under the covers, running her hand over his body.
He pushed himself away from her and said, “What the hell are you doing?”
“Shhh,” she said. “Don’t be alarmed. I am just here, my love. I’ll not hurt you.”
She moved herself closer to him and Adrian got out of the bed. She sighed as he walked away towards his clothes, then stopped. They were in a neat folded pile on the floor, along with his shoes. He did not remember taking them off.
He turned towards Evita. “Did you…”
She smiled and pulled a sheet up to her eyes. “You have a beautiful body.”
Adrian shook his head. “Okay, could you please leave? I… There’s been a misunderstanding or something.”
“I very much doubt that,” she said. “Come, lay back down with me, I won’t bite. Unless you want me to.” She said this last with a lustful smile.
Adrian’s mouth was agape, and he found himself at a loss for words. He grabbed his clothes and started to pull them on, saying, “I’m going to go ahead and leave, this is too weird.”
As he got to the door, Evita said, “Wait!” in a soft, sad voice. “Adrian. May I be frank with you?”
Reluctantly, he turned towards her. “You haven’t been already?”
She sat up on the bed and said, “You were not raised in our world. You don’t know our customs. I apologize for my oversight in that.” She smiled. “But I assure you that there is nothing that I will ever do to you that won’t bring about the greatest pleasure you’ve ever known.”
“Okay, Evita? That’s your name, right?” She nodded. “I don’t even know you.”
“Nor I you, but from the stories my brother tells me of his observations. But the look of you is such… You are not like any wolf I have ever known. Please, come back, I will not push upon you so. The others aren’t yet awake, so there is time. Let us just talk.”
“I really am not…”
Adrian watched her stand up and drop the sheets around her feet, found her completely nude and unabashed at the fact. She walked towards him and pinned him against the door. Her tongue ran across his cheek, and then she planted a kiss on his lips.
He bore a look of total shock, and she smiled. “Do I impress?”
“I…” he stammered for a moment, looking over her body, then shook his head and pushed her away. “I have Katy. I love her. She’s my girlfriend.”
At this she gave a slight scowl and rolled her eyes, turning and walking towards a rolling chair set by a desk against the wall. She sat in the chair, turned to him, and crossed her legs.
“She is a pretty thing. But is that all you want? Would you settle for a girl?”
“I- I don’t know what you mean.”
Adrian busied himself looking at the wall, part of him wanting desperately to open the door and leave.
But another part did not want to leave at all.
“Look at me,” she said. “Do I put up any walls? Am I guarded, as she?” Evita stood and walked towards him. “We are of the kin, Adrian, my love. What love that happens between us greater than any you could ever know for a human girl.”
“She…she isn’t guarded. She’s, um, outgoing-”
Evita laughed. “She knows how to pleasure a man? I don’t doubt that. And for you, who have known only the pleasures of men, that would surely be enough. But does she know how to pleasure a wolf? I can give you that, Adrian.” She stood now not inches away from him. “That, and so much more.”
She kissed him again, and he could not bring himself to pull away for a moment. He stopped her and said, “It’s unfaithful.”
Again she laughed. “If you had planned to be faithful,” she said, “you would have walked out that door long ago.”
Evita pressed her body against his, and Adrian found his arms reaching up around her back and feeling the smoothness of her skin. His fingertips alighted and he closed his eyes as their tongues wrapped around each other and their breath mingled. He was all too aware of her breasts against his chest, and the growing pressure between them that but for a few layers of cotton and a closed zipper would very quickly lead to sex. He squeezed her as close to him as she could, pushing forward and away from the wall, wanting to be one with her. As she kissed him, he kissed her back, and the shame of it vanished as his lust overcame his sense. She pulled him onto the bed and frantically ran her hands over his body; moaning even as she undressed him, as though the promise of sex were sex itself. And Adrian watched her do all the work, laid his head back, and closed his eyes once more.
But then her hands reached under his shorts and he realized, Oh shit, this is wrong.
“Stop, stop, stop,” he said through panting breaths. “Please, I- I can’t.”
He rolled away from her and did his best to hide his near-naked body, to slow his breathing and act as though nothing had happened.
She whispered, “I understand, my love.” She put an arm around his shoulder. “I don’t mind. You’ve taken a sip from the cup of culture; soon the aftertaste of humanity will leave you and there will be no reservation.” She smiled. “It is only a matter of destiny, that we be together. I have waited this long. I can wait a little longer.”
“Can…can I please be alone?”
There was silence for a moment, and then, “Yes.” Evita kissed him on the cheek, and he flinched away from it. She stood, dressed herself (he tried not to look but was unable), and walked to the door.
“If you should need anything, I’m a few doors down.”
“I- I thought Abraham said you didn’t live here.”
“We don’t, usually. But we aren’t in the habit of leaving our guests to themselves. Sleep well, my love.”
She blew him a kiss, and left the room.
Adrian lay in the bed for a long time, just staring at the floor, trying not to think about what had just happened. Slowly, he pulled the sheets up over his head and curled into a ball. He thought about Katy, and how beautiful she was, and what a wonderful personality she had, and he thought about Evita standing fully naked before him, thought about her hand running up the base of his spine.
He wanted to scream, because he knew that things were, at this point, out of his hands. He could not stop himself from wanting to have sex with her, he could not stop himself from being attracted to her body. And what was it she had said the other day, that it was against the rules for him to be with Katy? What if that were true? Adrian found that he liked this place despite himself, and while the people were certainly unusual, it was exciting. And Abraham was so forward about his secrets!
Had he not been alone for these past three years or more? Had not his only companionship come from the occasional woman off the street? How was it that Katy was different? They had only been together for a few days, after all, and already there was more tension than Adrian had ever known in a relationship. She knew he was telling the truth about being a werewolf, but she was, after all, human. Evita knew what it was like, she could relate to him on a level that Katy never could. Between them, there would be no secrets. Amongst the kin, there would be none. He was already happy here, and been there only a short while.
But Adrian thought about Katy’s smile, and felt his heart break, because he knew he did not have the strength of will to be faithful. After all, Evita was right. If he had, he would never have let the conversation continue.
At this, Adrian fell reluctantly back asleep.

14.
The wolf put his head in his hands. He was angry and hurt, but more than anything he was disappointed.
And he didn’t dare say a word of it.

15.
The ballroom was empty, and without a population it lost a level of its flavor. Without noise, without music, it felt unusual. But it wasn’t in a bad way; it felt like a grandparent’s house, or someplace old that you rarely visited that always felt like home.
Evita served up breakfast to Adrian and Abraham; egg, cheese, and bacon omelets with biscuits and gravy. Adrian found it to be delicious and when he looked up at Evita, she smiled at him knowingly.
He could not help but to smile back.
Adrian looked around and said, “Is Dade still asleep?”
Abraham said, “I’m afraid he isn’t here. I sent him home last night, after we closed our doors. He’s never much liked sleeping down here, anyway.”
“Oh. I guess that works, then.”
“Tea?” Evita asked.
“Sure,” Adrian said. She poured him some, and he drank it. “This is a pretty nice place you have here. How’d you come across it?”
“In a local history book,” Abraham said. “It was closed down, so I purchased it with a little help from my friends, and patched it up. We actually do make some legitimate money from its functions as a bar, but more than anything it is our hub.”
“And I guess that brings us back to the whole ‘why are you here’ question,” Adrian said.
Abraham smiled at Adrian and turned his head to his sister. “Evita, would you be so kind as to part from our company for a bit? Adrian and I need to have a conversation.”
She nodded, the smile slipping from her face, and she retreated to one of the many passageways of the caves.
Assured that she was out of earshot, Abraham said, “You’ve made her quite happy, you know. Even I wasn’t expecting it to happen so fast.”
Adrian covered his eyes, “I really don’t want to talk about that, thank you very much.”
“My friend, there is no shame in it.” He spoke in an encouraging whisper, “My sister is… she knows what she wants, and that can be a difficult thing to deal with at times. But it’s the way it was meant to be. If you are feeling some…regret, about your human girl, I understand. You haven’t been here long enough to know the difference. We aren’t the same as them.”
“You keep saying that,” Adrian said. “But I’ve been living among “them” for a long time, and the differences aren’t that many.”
Abraham shook his head. “Among them, you say? What about the years in the forest, all alone? The years with the old man, and the years of isolation after he died? How many healthy relationships have you had, in all of your life?”
“I…well…” Adrian could not think of a one that hadn’t ended in flames, and already his mind was dancing towards thoughts of Evita’s naked body. He shook them away as best he could. “I’m just socially inept.”
“Hah!” Abraham laughed. “Of course you are, Adrian, you’re a damned werewolf! Socially inept. Please, Adrian, try to understand where we are here. Our kind has been living underground and outcast from human society for centuries, and to them the very idea of our existence is a joke! To live with that kind of image in your mind, not to mention the fears and doubts that are already just part of the deal… Adrian, you can find humans who love your personality, your looks, your sex, whatever it is. But they can never love you for what you are, because what you are is something only we can understand. Only a wolf can truly love a wolf.”
“I-”
“And before you start, I’m not just saying that out of some contrived sense of ritual, or a need to follow ancient and outdated guidelines. This is personal experience I’m talking about, Adrian. I have seen so many of my closest friends fall victim to their love, and I have seen them all come back from that scarred, only to find true happiness amongst our kind. I defy you to go to… erm, what was her name? Kathy? To your human girl and tell her all the things that have occurred in just the last twenty-four hours. Do that every day for the next week and see how long your love lasts. It’s just too much for them.”
“It’s… Well, her name is Katy, first of all. But I guess I see what you’re saying. I dunno. This is happening really fast.” Adrian rubbed his temple and sipped some tea.
“Adrian,” Abraham said, leaning forward, “I understand. This was always going to be a transformative journey for you, and I wish that we could have had more time to prepare. But things are as they are, I suppose, and you are here. And this is how it was always going to happen.”
Adrian shook his head. “How can you possibly know something like that?”
“Well,” Abraham said, “it’s amazing what one can find out if one does little more than ask.”
“…what the hell is that supposed to mean? You said no secrets.”
“That is…a difficult question to answer.”
Abraham looked at his plate, now empty, and stood. “Let’s go for a walk, shall we?”

16.
Abraham nodded to Billy as he and Adrian stepped out of the stairwell and into the Midnight’s normal bar.
“’Sup, boss?” he asked.
“Not a great deal, William. Morning crowd is bustling, isn’t it?”
“Yessir, folks love their booze and biscuits.”
Abraham laughed and patted Billy on the shoulder. “Aren’t you due for a shift change?”
“Feckin’ Garner ain’t got a clue how to do his job. Mingles with the riffraff, feckin’ takes drinks from the barkeep. That shithead actually got drunk las’ week, you hear that?”
“Yes, but, William, this is hardly a high maintenance job.”
Billy huffed. “Don’t give a pope-shit whether it’s high or low, a real man feckin’ does his job and does it feckin’ right, no matter what it is. That sombitch Garner come in tomorrow with ‘a scent of booze on, I swear to god I’ma beat his ass.”
“Now, William, I don’t want to have to hire another doorman. You can’t be on duty every day, it just doesn’t suit.”
“Hire a guy who knows how to guard a feckin’ door without pissin’ hisself, then we’ll talk.”
Abraham sighed and smiled. “In any case, William, would you please do me a favor and go downstairs for a bit? Help yourself to…whatever it is you’d like, I suppose. Adrian and I need to have a chat.”
Billy grumbled, but left the room.
Adrian said, “Is he always so chipper?”
“You should see him when he’s angry,” Abraham said. “Or drunk. That man has no room to talk.”
He took a seat at one of the empty tables and motioned for Adrian to sit across from him.
“Why did we have to come up here just to sit down at another table?” Adrian asked.
“Look at the other people in this place,” Abraham said. Between the six tables, three booths, and barstools, there were about twenty others. “All of them have lives. All of them have loved ones and routines and have had profound experiences. And not a one of them knows they are within thirty feet of a den of werewolves. Not that they would be particularly paranoid in that respect anyway. You know the attitude their kind have about us. Oh goodness, look at this.”
A couple walked into the diner. The boy was shaggy haired and frazzled, the girl had long brunette hair and black painted fingernails.
She saw Abraham and stopped, eyes wide, pushing the boy behind her. She tried to leave, but Abraham motioned for her to sit at the bar. She did so begrudgingly, and the boy followed.
“Who are they?” Adrian asked.
“That girl,” Abraham said in a confiding whisper, “is Christine. She’s one of us. Well, not one of us one of us, but she’s got family in good standing. Normally someone of another clan wouldn’t be allowed in a place such as this, but I…like to indulge her.”
Adrian raised an eyebrow. “And the kid?”
“I think his name is Jake. He wants to be a werewolf.”
Adrian blinked, then shook his head. “So, wait, he isn’t one already? I thought there were rules against-”
“Rules, Adrian,” Abraham said as he stood up, “are notoriously difficult to enforce. Excuse me.”
He walked over to the bar and sat between the couple. He shook hands with Jake, and they exchanged words. Then Abraham turned and talked to Christine, and though he had a smile on his face, his eyes betrayed a very vicious nature. Adrian had no desire to witness it firsthand.
As he waited for Abraham to finish his business with the couple, Adrian looked around the diner and tried to imagine the history of the place. The tables bore scars and the wallpaper was stained. The upkeep was enough to stop the place from falling apart, but rather than fix the broken pieces, they were put on display as a matter of pride. As if to say, this place has a history. Pray you don’t become part of it.
As his gaze wandered about the diner, he noticed a black car with tinted windows idling outside on the street.
Adrian’s blood went cold, and he didn’t know why.
When Abraham sat back down, Adrian snapped back to attention and immediately forgot about the car. Abraham said, “Now then, where were we?”
The couple walked out of the bar.
“What was that all about?” Adrian asked.
He shrugged. “It’s about love. Or a desperate obsession thereabouts contained.”
“I mean, what did you tell them?”
“Oh, nothing really. I said some words, but they didn’t mean anything. I thought about trying to scare off the boy, but I could tell from the look of him that he wouldn’t be taken to backing down. Honestly I just wanted to size up their seriousness first hand.”
“And?”
“And I fear it won’t be so easy to break up as I had hoped.”
There was silence then, and Adrian said hesitantly, “So…is it possible?”
“Hm?”
“To, uhm… make someone else into a… werewolf.”
Abraham smiled. “You don’t need to be so reticent with the words, Adrian. It’s the world we live in, I’m afraid. You’d better get used to it. But to answer your question… No.”
“No? Just…no?”
Abraham nodded.
“Oh. Well. Okay. That settles that then.”
“Adrian, may I ask you a question?”
“I, uh…sure.”
“Have you ever spoken with it?”
“What?”
Abraham leaned forward. “The wolf.”
Adrian took a slow breath and bit his lip. “Oh.”
“Well?”
“He…it… talks to me. I try not to talk back.”
Abraham crossed his hands. “I see.”
“So that’s…normal, then?”
“Normal as anything else is, being a werewolf.”
“Do you ever have problems with it?” Adrian asked. “I mean, like…talking to you too much, or…” Adrian’s words trailed off.
Abraham smiled and said, “Not anymore.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“Hold on to that question for a moment. How many times would you say you’ve talked to your wolf?”
“I don’t know…”
“Because you can’t count the times or because they are too few and far between?”
Adrian felt pressed, and did not feel comfortable extolling his experiences. “Too few.”
Abraham nodded again. “To answer your question, it’s a rite that has been passed down through our kind for generations. Some take it, some do not.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s called reunification. The bringing together of the halves to form a coherent whole.”
Adrian’s pulse quickened. “So you took this rite, and you don’t hear your wolf anymore?”
“Adrian,” Abraham said, “I am it.”
Adrian gawked and said, “How is that possible?”
As Abraham opened his mouth to speak, Adrian turned his head towards the window.
“That car!” he said, momentarily diverted. “I forgot about it a second ago.”
“Don’t worry about that,” Abraham said, waving his hand impatiently. “That’s just the Circle, they’re always watching.”
“The Circle?”
“Later, Adrian, there are more important matters-”
“You said no secrets.”
Abraham sighed, and said, “The Circle of Friends, a vast organization from which we have drawn a mite of funding. They pay for our services, and they watch the results. It doesn’t concern you in the slightest, Adrian.”
“What services do you mean?”
“Adrian, by the Gods, you ask so many questions.” He sighed again and said, “Services of a mostly nondescript manner, essentially whatever is needed of us at the time. It’s none of your concern, and you will lose memory of the car as soon as you break eye contact from it.”
“How is that possible?”
“Dark magic!” Abraham said through gritted teeth, “The driver is a wyvern and the passenger is an ogre, now can we please get back to the matter at hand?”
Adrian shrunk a little in his seat. “Sorry. I’m just…freaking out a little bit over here.”
Abraham sighed and shook his head. “I know. I apologize. One becomes accustomed to being amongst a knowledged crowd, it can be difficult to confront one who is unfamiliar with our everyday life.
“You asked me how I can be my own wolf,” Abraham said. “The answer is the rite of reunification. Once performed, the wolf and the man are fused together. Of course, Adrian, as the dominant mind you will remain unchanged. The wolf will simply…become a part of you.”
Adrian shook his head. “It’s that easy, then? No catch?”
Abraham scratched his chin, “Not in the sense that you’re thinking, no. It is a necessary aspect of joining our clan. Those who don’t take the rite can’t be a part of our society, you see. They are…frenetic, doubtful. Sometimes very violent. You know this firsthand, don’t you? I’m glad that we can get this done before your wolf tries to take over. It does hurt, though. That is the only real catch.”
Adrian bit his lip again and said, “Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Okay, I want to take up the rite. I want to join your society, and… I don’t want to feel like this anymore.”
Abraham stood up and walked around the table, putting a hand on Adrian’s shoulder. “You’ve made the right decision. The preparation will take about a week.”
“A week? No, I want it now!”
“Patience, Adrian. Many things need to be brought together for this to work. Until then, fight it, as you have done all your life. It will be no more a chore now than it has always been, I promise you.”
Adrian nodded, stood and followed Abraham as they went back into the caves.

17.
Adrian sat at the bar in the speakeasy, eyeing a glass of wine that had been offered to him by Abraham as a toast. After having taken a sip, Abraham rushed off to “arrange things,” leaving Adrian to his own devices.
His mind was wandering, and he felt a nervous pulse in his chest. Was this really happening? Was he finally going to get rid of the voice, and be happy?
You’re a fool, Adrian.
“What do you know,” Adrian said. “You’re nothing. You barely exist as it is, and in a week you won’t exist at all.”
You have no idea what’s going on, do you?
“Just shut up and leave me alone.”
“Who are you talking to?”
Adrian spun around, instinctually bringing his hand around for a punch. It stopped just in front of Dade’s face, and he didn’t flinch. He pushed Adrian’s fist aside and sat next to him.
Adrian mumbled an apology and said, “No one.” He then smiled and said, “This is an amazing place, isn’t it? I don’t know why, but I feel so at home here.”
Dade said, “If you say so.”
Adrian shrugged and took a sip. Dade sat down next to him, and they were quiet for a while.
“So, you’ve known him a long time, then?” Adrian asked.
Dade nodded.
Adrian took another sip. “I can’t imagine what it must be like to be close friends with such a great man.”
Dade gave a sarcastic laugh. “He’s not that great.”
Adrian turned to him, frustrated. “Why do you say that?”
“Because he’s a spider,” Dade said sadly, “weaving his web of promises, drawing in the flies like moths to a flame.”
“Yeah? If that’s the case, then why are you still hanging around?”
“Because I’m the only person in the world he calls his friend,” Dade said. “For that, he won’t let me leave.”
Adrian took another drink and shook his head. “Why would he tell me this stuff, if that were the case?”
“Because he’s using you. Same as he uses everyone. And you won’t listen to me, because no one ever does. His words are like honey…the more you drink them in, the sweeter they become.”
Adrian rolled his eyes, “You don’t have a clue how good you’ve got it here. I’ll bet you’ve lived here your whole life, never left the place, and never met someone who isn’t a werewolf. It’s an entirely different world out there. You’re just paranoid because-”
“Stop,” Dade said.
Adrian stared at him, for a moment uncomprehending of the tear that had rolled down Dade’s cheek.
“I shouldn’t have trusted you,” Dade said.
“You’re the one who brought me here,” Adrian said.
“Well,” Dade said, “it wasn’t supposed to play out like this.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“And you don’t know what you’re getting yourself into. If you had any idea what kind of person Abraham really is…”
“So he has regrets? Done things he isn’t proud of? Big fucking deal. He’s better for it.”
Dade shook his head and sighed, then got up to walk away.
But he turned and asked, “He’s offered you the rite, hasn’t he?”
“Yes,” Adrian said. “And I plan to take it. He’s going to make it happen in a week.”
Dade said, “Before that happens, just once… talk to your wolf. Find out what he knows. I hope he’s better at changing your mind than I am.”
As he walked away, Adrian turned on his barstool and shouted after him, “Yeah, whatever you say, fuckhole!” He mumbled, “God damned know-it-all…” and turned back to his drink.
But when he looked down at the wine, he did not feel as sure of himself as his words had led Dade to believe.